Dyspraxia Week - Day 5 - Case Study - Jessica

On day 5 of Dyspraxia Week, we are proud to share with you Jessica’s story.

I was diagnosed with Dyspraxia as a child by a GP and received an official diagnosis at university. I used to think it just caused my clumsiness and slow hand writing, but I have done more research on Dyspraxia over the last few years and realised that it touches most areas of my life.

In social situations with new people, i.e. after work drinks in a busy pub, my brain is having to cope with a lot of information (focussing amongst the noise, following social queues, thinking what to say and when to say it); I often feel like it’s frozen and I can’t figure out how to join in/engage with people. This creates a feeling of missing opportunities for connection and a sense of isolation.

I struggled with loneliness at university and in my first few jobs; I felt like there was something wrong with me as I couldn’t seem to make friends quickly like others. Now, I understand why I struggle and I forgive myself; I really appreciate and maintain connections with people who take the time to talk to me 1-2-1 and get to know me. I put myself in situations that will facilitate friendships, like joining a non-competitive tag rugby team, I always try to talk to people who seem shy and I don’t get angry at myself if people don’t include me in conversations – they are the ones missing out.

I found some of the forums and adult information linked on the Dyspraxia Foundations website really helpful for understanding myself better and helped me make the connection between my Dyspraxia and my social anxiety/awkwardness. Once I understood why I struggle in social situations, it made it a lot easier to forgive myself and handle those situations without getting overwhelmed and upset. I no longer drink alcohol in social situations with new people so that I can help my brain stay more alert and if I’m finding it difficult, I don’t feel bad excusing myself.

I joined a social tag rugby team around a year ago and that has been great for my confidence - as no one is overly competitive, I’ve never made to feel bad if I struggle with my coordination and most people have also joined to make friends so are willing to take the time to talk to me 1:1 and listen.

I had a similar experience at university, not feeling like I fitted in and struggling to make friends quickly like other people, for the first few years I joined the sailing team, but I found it difficult to fit in and there was a lot of pressure to join in with the drinking culture. In my final year I joined the rounders society instead, which was a non-competitive team and as with tag rugby, I found that to be far better and people there were more considerate of including me. My advice would be to sign up for a club or not competitive/social sports league in something you are interested in and enjoy, as the people attending these alongside you will likely also be looking to make friends and probably more likely to take the time to get to know you and include you. Avoid clubs/leagues which are competitive or seem like somewhere that people take being good at the activity seriously as I’ve found there tends to be less room for inclusion. But do put yourself out there and in a position to meet people and always keep in your head that if people don’t make an effort to include you, then they are missing out and are not the kind of people you’d want to be friends with anyway!